All hail penis cane! (playing favorites and musical chairs)

I may earn money from the participating companies linked in this post: (supporting my nearby independent bookstore Bluebird & Co, in Crozet, VA) and/or Audible. My podcast is sponsored by Audible and Care/Of.

So I have the Dollop Dashboard open, to remind my brain-fogged grey matter to work on episode catch-up this weekend. The stats caught my eye. The top four pages are always what you would expect: the 2014 and 2015 episodes lists, the welcome page (with the handy and link-filled lyrics to the theme song), the sources pages, Dave and Gareth’s pages…all of the above take turns.

The fifth most-popular is usually one of two episodes: either Hugh Glass, or Rube Waddell. Two of my favorites, as well. For the past couple of days, they have been edged out by Denver Spiderman, a really creepy episode if you dwell on its implications–and read my entry. Creeper in the house. Creeper in the house.

Today, the most popular blog entry is not for an episode for the first time ever, which is weird. I am both proud and sheepish, ’cause I’m just the Dollop’s librarian, y’all.

You guessed it: Cane I ask you a question? — assistive devices made by taxidermists from bull penii.

I still don’t know how this became a thing, much less a certified thing. If I had to guess which historical American figure started this trend, I have but one name on the tip of my tongue, and it comes, of course, with a convenient play on words:


President Rough Rider himself, Teddy Roosevelt.

Who else? Only Teddy. Picture it. He bare-chest wrestled a bull on a dare
double-dog-dare you
and, to commemorate the coup, he…took the bull’s coup.
Then he enjoyed striding into fancy Washington events–White House gatherings, operas and plays–wielding a fine walking stick, being the only one in the room who knew it was a giant penis, tickled to fucking pieces.

I need this to be true.


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