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This is a don’t let Carla babysit special…because I didn’t have to do any research on this bad boy. I already knew about this sick, sad puppy. This is what the inside of my head looks like–just creeps like Carl Tanzier bumping into Bigfoot and careening into phantom hitchhikers. Yep.
I’m creepy. Love me. Love ME.
Okay, I am going to ease you into this one. This is a coming to America story. A boy named Carl was born in Dresden, Germany, decided to come to America, and established himself in Florida as a doctor. He tried to save lives at a tuberculosis clinic, was sad to lose a beautiful, young client, became estranged from his wife, and lived the life of a loner bachelor. He occupied himself with arts and crafts until he died, still working on one of his favorite art pieces in 1952.
Aww, that was so sweet. And true. And as sanitized as a deep South science textbook.
Carl Tanzier, another oogie Dollop doctor with no fucking boundaries, developed a big old stalker-y crush on a 22-year-old tuberculosis patient at the sanitarium at which he worked. Unfortunately, Elena de Hoyos died in 1931. Even more unfortunately, Dr. Tanzier could not forget about Helena. Most unfortunately, Dr. Tanzier knew where Helena was buried.
You with me, Rubes?
She died in 1931, Carl did some shopping at Michael’s and bided his time, and, in 1933, dug Elena up. Two years. Using wax, silk, wire, and plaster, glass eyes, and doll hair, Carl undid the ravages of the grave.
Didn’t he do a great job?
Elena then slept in Carl’s bed for the next seven years. Sooooo, Two years dead and buried, and seven more years dead, all snuggled down with Carl. When I say “slept”, I mean “I wanna sex you up”, because when Carl went shopping, he also bought a Fleshlight for Elena’s corpse. Yep, he went there.
Happy Fun Sex Time only ended when Elena’s sister found out. You think your family holidays are awkward. He caught charges, but they were dismissed, because Florida. Elena was reburied in an unmarked grave, in order to hide her from the insane doctor.
Dr. Carl died in 1952, all alone…but not quite. They found him with a life-size effigy of Elena, made from wax, created from a death mask formed from her corpse. No news on the effigy’s sexy bits.
There is no way just thinking about nighttime at Dr. Carl’s is not terrifying. Think about your closing down the house for the night, now imagine that clown in your place, and that corpse-monstrosity craft project awaiting him upstairs as he turns off the lights and checks the doors…Happy Dollopween.