Episode 13: Dollop: Colonial Teeth

So they would just crotch your face?

Remember the guys’ mentioning Jamestown settlers’ diet?
It wasn’t just corn. Soylent Green is people, y’all. No, really.
Long pig will mess up your molars as well, it seems, just as badly as corn.
Now clean your plate.
more information about colonial dentistry, including tooth powder, thanks to a dental surgeon
Mount Vernon, Richie Rich Washington’s home and burial site, Fairfax, Virginia. It was named for Vice Admiral Edward Vernon, who had been George’s half-brother Lawrence’s commanding officer.
He looks like he is thinking about crotch-facing you, doesn’t he? Right. Now.
Yes, as the guys stated, Paul Revere did perform extractions, because he was a silversmith, which is an upper-class blacksmith. Imagine being crotch-faced by this guy right before you pass out from the pain.
More body-snatching, this time for teeth, because we Americans can be gross, if you haven’t learned that by now from listening to The Dollop.
And the one I have been waiting for, technically grave-robbing, but on the battlefield: Waterloo teeth. Why, you ask? Thank you, I was hoping you would. Because, as soon as the guys mentioned the Battle of Waterloo, this song started playing in my head, and hasn’t stopped, and now I get to share. WOOOhahaha. I was a 70’s baby, and I love inflicting the 1970’s on others. It was a special, special, polyester time. Enjoy, my little ones.

I want that sparkly blue beanie. Bet I could knit one.
Ahem. Anyhoo…teeth. Sorry, disco can make me forget what I was doing.
Quickie list of inventions/innovations:

  • John Flagg: first dental chair (no more crotch face!)
  • John Greenwood: George Washington’s dentist: turned a sewing machine foot treadle into a foot-operated drill. Slow as Christmas, but at he got the no-crotch-face, no farm tools ball rolling.
  • 1873: Colgate, first mass-produced toothpaste
  • 1885: 1st mass-produced toothbrush

Unrelated cultural references from this episode:
the Rachel haircut: Friends: Season 1
and Bond villians:

Holly Goodhead: “Do you know him?
James Bond: “Not socially. His name’s Jaws. He kills people.

The Spy Who Loved Me
Band names from this episode:

  • Vicious Eye Contact
  • Stink Tornado
  • Waterloo Teeth
  • Wooden Teeth
  • Bond Villain

The dental key is horrifying. It looks like the buttonhook colonial girls and women used to button their boots; women probably carried it on a chatelaine, which was the colonial, feminine version of a Leatherman (the toolkit, not the dude). I am actually going to post the image behind a spoiler fold, because I have gallows humor (obviously) and even I hesitated at posting an illustration only. Be warned, beware.


Dental key usage
Momma Carla warned you.

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