We’ve Only Just Begun

To go slowly crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

I make a call just now to make an unpleasant specialist’s appointment. (She’s a lovely woman; I just don’t wanna go.)

Medical associate: Do you mind if—

Me: Yes. Don’t say it. I know what’s coming.

Medical associate: —I put you on hold?

Me, out loud, in my phone voice: Of course not, thank you.

cringe

And the hold music swells. O, UVA, why? I assume this piece, that repeats every 16 bars, was chosen by sociologists or psychologists to be soothing. It rather sounds like a combination of a parody of The Carpenters and that funeral home music that’s played while everyone does the step-touch in front of the open casket at the visitation.

Me: Come back, ma’am, or I am going to start laughing on this 30th repeat of these 16 bars of “soothing” flute and I won’t be able to stop…

My subtitle refers to a probably not-PC Girl Scout song from my youth, which only had two lines, sure, but that was the joke. You sang it faster on each repeat until it became nonsense, along with holding hands with your neighbor in the circle. At “switch”, you would cross or uncross your arms and grab hands again. By the time the words became nonsense, someone had hit themselves in the face. Good times. This encapsulates the 1970’s as a kid for those of you who weren’t there. We sang songs about insanity, flung lawn darts at each other, and smacked ourselves in the face for fun. And we liked it!

I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch

Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

So, that little ditty was running through my head by the time the nice medical associate picked up, and I had to switch (ha!) to Polite Phone Voice again. And said appointments were made. For January. I am slowly—

If you want to hear more about the polyester life of a 70’s Girl Scout, you can listen to my episode 16 “I’ve Got Something in My Pocket”, linked below for paid members (so cheap) or findable in any podcatcher, including Spotify and Audible. If you want to hear more about why the Brownies are called so, same for episode 15, “Old School Brownies”.

And no, no singing for you today. Perhaps I’ll really gear up and do the whole damn thing into nonsense on the next episode. switch