Vintage American Imbibing Carla September 18, 2015, 8:05 pm Snippets / The DollopI will ease you into it with adult nudity and alliteration, because you will need easing in. Much like any Dollop episode, we will take a sudden dark turn. Hold on. Apparently, original recipe Dr. Pepper tastes like being molested by ocean wave fingers? That soda gots some kick, son.If Dr. Pepper has such a punch that it feels like masturbating ocean waves, let’s give some soda to a baby! Perfect sugar flying kick-a-pow for those developing teeth. Carbonated sugar, wholesome as fuck.7up didn’t keep the little fat bastard out of your hair? Give him a beer. That’ll shut him up so you can watch your soap operas.Or Budweiser. Budweiser is good.Don’t want to share your beer with the little rugrat? Laudanum. Because opium will teach the kid who is in charge.When a baby drinks and uses that goddamn much, he is gonna want a nice smoke. Do him good. One for you, one for him.If you follow all of these advertisements’ directions, of course, there will be a problem. This is how to address the problem: with the hair of the dog. “Bogg’s Tawny Cocaine Port”. Plus two wrongs make a bottle of right. Note the “against his will or without his knowledge” bit. Always a good bet.All this has given you a headache, I’ll bet. No problem. Bayer’s Heroin hydrochloride. You might not feel better, but you won’t remember feeling badly.And I know your baby’s teeth came in so, so wrong from all that soda and beer. I’m sorry, but I tried to warn you. This will soothe his pain. Episodes posted tomorrow, and no inappropriate babies. Promise. Pinky swear. Related posts: Episode 90: Dollop: Childbirth in America Episode 150: Live: James Sullivan and the 1904 Olympics Episode 163: Dollop: Syphilis in America Resources: American Crime Story (and a personal fable, boogeyman and all) Australian Tour 2: Cane Toads No one needs that many smoke detectorsPrevious PostThe Dollop cares about how you care for your penisNext PostEpisode 115: Smollop: Charley Hatfield 0 Comments Carla Hufstedler September 18, 2015 at 9:13 pm 6 years ago Reply(200th entry, y’all. What-what.) Carla September 18, 2015 at 9:13 pm 6 years ago Reply(200th entry, y’all. What-what.) Andy September 19, 2015 at 4:21 am 6 years ago ReplyIt’s bad that I wish this one aspect of the world was still around, isn’t it? Carla Hufstedler September 19, 2015 at 4:32 pm 6 years ago ReplyNope. Which part, dare I ask: the drugs for all ages, or the funky advertising? 😀 Andy September 19, 2015 at 4:21 am 6 years ago ReplyIt’s bad that I wish this one aspect of the world was still around, isn’t it? Carla September 19, 2015 at 4:32 pm 6 years ago ReplyNope. Which part, dare I ask: the drugs for all ages, or the funky advertising? 😀Leave a Reply Cancel replyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *CommentName * Email * Website Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting. ΔThis site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.